SELF INJURY

In spite of the title, there is no shame here. If you cause physical harm to your body in order to deal with overwhelming feelings, know that you have nothing to be ashamed of. It's likely that you're keeping yourself alive and maintaining psychological integrity with the only tool you have right now. It's a crude and ultimately self-destructive tool, but it works; you get relief from the overwhelming pain/fear/anxiety in your life. The prospect of giving it up may be unthinkable, which makes sense; you may not realize that self-harm isn't the only or even best coping method around.

For many people who self-injure, though, there comes a breakthrough moment when they realize that change is possible, that they can escape, that things can be different. They begin to believe that other tools do exist and begin figuring out which of these non-self-destructive ways of coping work for them. This site exists to help you come closer to that moment.

Link to http://crystal.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html

BEATING IT

This part is dedicated to beating the addiction known as Self Injury, specifically cutting. Some techniques can be used to stop other forms of self-injury, but I would ask you to choose one of the sites on my links page, especially Secret Shame to learn more techniques. Now on to beating it...

First and foremost you must make the commitment to stop. Without it you will fail. I tried half heartily many times to stop, but each time I failed to really try to stop.

Once you have made the commitment to stop, you must have the proper support group because you will have to turn to them.

Next you have to find alternatives, be it sleeping, watch TV or read a book. I don't care what it is as long as it's not cutting.

Also, don't sit there and think about cutting. If you must think about it, set aside a time to think about it and no other time. If you find yourself thinking about it before the allotted time, tell yourself that there is a time for it and move on.

Put things in perspective. One mistake will not make the rest of your life Hell. Also, where does cutting get you, except further and further addicted and more scars and only TEMPORARY relief. The problem does not lie with cutting, but what the cutting masks.

Now once all of this is done, the real work begins. The first several weeks after you stop may not be too difficult, but I have found once I hit the one month mark, the urges increase in frequency and intensity. This may vary person to person though. Once you hit that mark, you must be prepared to do anything to stop. For me this included, giving all my razors to my best friend at college and telling her not to give them to me and when I shave my legs, to check me afterward. This stops me from having an easy way to cut. Now I must be creative and given that most urges last around 15 minutes, it's not worth the hassle.

You also have to be prepared to bring in your alternatives. Many times for me this is sleeping or doing mindless computer stuff. I also keep reminding myself that this will pass and I am better off without cutting myself.

Hopefully this has given you insight into how you might beat the addiction, but there is more that needs to be done.

You must confront the pain behind the cutting. I have also begun to do that and I notice that the urges have decreased in intensity. I am finding other outlets for my pain.

Also, I am being to experience emotions again. This is very weird for me and many times I experience a range of emotions that I am unfamiliar with and thus don't have much control sometimes. But I would rather lose control of my emotion than my cutting. Bring physical pain on to mask emotional pain brings me far greater harm than facing my secrets ever could.

Well these are several techniques and steps that I used to stop the cutting and finally beat it. Granted I am still in the early stages of stopping, I finally feel as though I can be free.

I'm also including this checklist that Dr. Tracy Alderman, author of The Scarred Soul: Understanding and Ending Self Inflicted Violence.

It isn't necessary that you be able to answer all of the questions "yes," but the more of these things you can set up for yourself, the easier it will be to stop hurting yourself.

While it is not necessary that you meet all of these criteria before stopping SI, the more of these statements that are true for you before you decide to stop this behavior, the better.

• I have a solid emotional support system of friends, family, and/ or professionals that I can use if I feel like hurting myself.
• There are at least two people in my life that I can call if I want to hurt myself. I feel at least somewhat comfortable talking about SI with three different people. I have a list of at least ten things I can do instead of hurting myself. I have a place to go if I need to leave my house so as not to hurt myself. I feel confident that I could get rid of all the things that I might be likely to use to hurt myself.
• I have told at least two other people that I am going to stop hurting myself. I am willing to feel uncomfortable, scared, and frustrated. I feel confident that I can endure thinking about hurting myself without having to actually do so.
• I want to stop hurting myself.

WHEN I FEEL I NEED TO CUT ASK YOURSELF THE FOLLOWING

Write these questions and answers in your daily journal so you can look back at them should you feel like this again

1. Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
2. Have I been here before?, what did I do to deal with it?, how did I feel then?
3. What have I done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
4. How do I feel right now?
5. How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
6. How will I feel after hurting myself?
7. How will I feel tomorrow morning?
8. How can I avoid this stressor or deal with it better in the future?
9. Do I need to hurt myself?

SIX IMPORTANT COPING STEPS

Step 1. STOP

STOP what you are doing and take in six big, deep breathes. Listen to the air as you breath in and out, feel your chest fill and stomach tighten, six times.

Step 2. Sit down, relax and think what the issue/problem is

If you like put your favourite song on in the background. Get your journal and read the promise you made to yourself - 'I am in control of who I am and how I feel. I have hurt enough over the years and I will no longer hurt myself in any way' . Now take a few minutes to think then write down what you are currently feeling and what you think the problem/s is.

Step 3. Now review what you are feeling against the issue/problem/s you have

Link your feelings to the problems you have listed and then come up with three (3) things you can do. Some items may be things you can do right now, some may be longer term solutions. Don't worry about what is what, just list them.

Step 4. Make a positive decision for you

Go back over what you have written and decide what you can do right now.

Step 5. Action time

Whatever positive action you came up with - do it. If you are feeling lonely you may have decided to ring a friend, visit someone, write a letter etc. Do something that is good for you.

Step 6. Things learnt

Review what you wrote in step 2 and make a note of how you feel now, what worked, what didn't and how it could be improved if there is a next time. Finish with some deep breathing whilst saying to yourself - I am OK.

A PLACE TO HEAL

You feel a deep, crushing pain inside. It feels so excruciating you wonder if you will survive the pain. You may begin to contemplate suicide as a comfort to yourself because you are desperate for a relief from the pain. Perhaps you begin to scratch your skin deeply, or reach for a knife, or begin to beat yourself up.

At the center of your soul, there is a huge, gaping hole. It is a deep wound from a traumatic injury that may have occurred within your first four years of life. It wasn't okay for that little girl or boy to need comfort or love. It wasn't okay for her or for him to express feelings or to have needs or desires. Maybe instead of holding and cuddling, you were physically, emotionally or sexually abused. The center of your soul was crushed. And, it doesn't matter if you are twenty, thirty, forty or fifty years old now. You still hurt. You still need to heal. The good news is, you can heal through becoming your own perfect parent. All it takes is love, compassion and commitment. Here is how to begin the process:

View your pain and your wounds with compassion.

Do not judge your feelings, wounds, reactions. Fill your mind and heart with compassion and direct it towards yourself.

Practice holding yourself.

Try crossing your arms over your chest when you are hurting. Breathe in deep. Rock if you need to. Wrap yourself up in a blanket. Imagine that you are holding a precious baby and that baby is yourself.

Do not avoid the feeling.

Just sit with it and hold it, as you would a crying baby. Breathe deeply, accepting your pain compassionately.

When you are experiencing pain, make sure that part of you is present as an adult who can witness to the child's pain.

This assures that you will not get overwhelmed with the feelings. Leave yourself notes around the house to remind you to "find the adult you" in a crisis. Allow the "child you" to write to the "adult you." Sometimes, writing with the non-dominant hand can help this process along.

Your goal is to listen to your feelings and honor and accept them with love and compassion.

Meditate on love. Imagine how love feels. Try to remember any of the times you have felt loved. In cases of severe trauma, as in borderline personality disorder, this may be difficult. Call up memories of feeling happy, bonded or at peace, or try to imagine what this would feel like.

Pray to God for healing and believe that He will hear your prayer.

If you have difficulty with the idea of God, try praying to the "Great Spirit" or "Spirit of Love." Praying continuously for healing can accomplish powerful results.

Let the feelings move through you with ease as you breathe deeply and release them.

Love yourself, accept your feelings, and then release the pain. Don't worry about analyzing your experiences or thoughts. Just let it all go. Understanding your pain won't help you to heal, only accepting it and releasing it will.

Don't give up no matter what.

Be patient with yourself and be committed to love yourself no matter what! You are worth it!

Link to http://www.laurapaxton.com